And then she found her way, not because she knew where she was going, but because she slowly allowed herself to fall in love with the person she was. And that was enough.
“She slowly allowed herself to fall in love with the person she was.
And that was enough.”
@tozandothersaltywords
The journey included getting lost, it showed her twists and turns she hadn’t anticipated. Her horse blinds of the one track life she had anticipated were ripped off.
“But then she realised she was her own compass.”
@tozandothersaltywords
She felt lost, unplanned and as if she lacked direction. But then she realised she was her own compass. Where was she going? She had no idea. Was she ready to embrace it with all of her?
The way you adapt, change, even hide who you are. I see you grappling with the million thoughts that go through your head every second. I feel every emotion, every hurt, every love, every heartbreak, all of it. It’s still here.
I’m over 10 years down the line from you and I still feel, remember, know and see all of you.
“I feel every emotion, every hurt, every love, every heartbreak, all of it. It’s still here.”
@tozandothersaltywords
I need you to do something for us. I need you to start loving you. Not every stranger you meet, or person who’s story that makes your heart bleed… …no my child, I need you to love you.
Focus on you. It’s as if you forgot how to be selfish, and due to that everyone you’ve ever met expects unwavering selflessness. You turn up on time for them, but often lack the respect to turn up for yourself. This is not meant to sound cruel but I can tell you that if you continue on that track you may well end up finding out that you can’t make everyone happy the hard way.
“You turn up on time for them, but often lack the respect to turn up for yourself.”
@tozandothersaltywords
The things we will feel, love, lose and witness will be what makes us. The times that we cry, howl and help those we love will build our character. And I do not mean that we should ever hesitate to give our time and add value to people, but please oh please remember that the first person to be giving all that love to always should be to yourself. That’s what I’ve learned. And that’s what I’ve realised is important.
“please oh please remember that the first person to be giving all that love to always should be to yourself.”
@tozandothersaltywords
Once you do love yourself you will no longer feel the need to hide who you are from other people you meet. You will no longer adapt to look a certain way or smile at situations you do not wish to smile through. You will no longer change who you are as a person just to please others when you meet them. You will no longer help the ones you love because of obligation but because you have the capacity to do so. You shall be far smarter than I, you will know that the secret of being able to give starts with giving to yourself first.
“The things we will feel, love, lose and witness will be what makes us. The times that we cry, howl and help those we love will build our character.”
@tozandothersaltywords
I could give you stories and memories that will stay with me forever more, but you need to experience those yourself. My hope of this letter is that if I can impart this one lesson, this one nugget. Maybe, just maybe you will be able to change and help more than I have or ever will.
“The battle scars that got me here I wear with pride and make me the person I am today.”
@tozandothersaltywords
I hope you know this isn’t that I want to change where I am or you getting here. The battle scars that got me here I wear with pride and make me the person I am today. All I wish for, is that along the way and through the ups and downs you make sure you love yourself, just a little bit more.
I love you and I love your love, I will always be your number 1 fan,
I am no expert or therapist on trauma, but if I have learned anything from my own trauma, it is this…
It’s funny that we talk about trauma as if it is temporary. Because in reality, it’s forever. It lives with us whether we have addressed it and overcome it, or buried it deep in the depths of our subconscious.
We even talk about our traumatic experiences from our past as if they no longer hurt us or bother us. But if we are honest, we know that that is simply a coping mechanism we have developed to reduce the pain and fear. Because as we all know, out of nowhere it can hit you. As if you’ve flown over the front of your handlebars, smack down, chest first, on the cold hard floor and all the air in your lungs has been vacuumed out.
“Because as we all know, out of nowhere it can hit you. As if you’ve flown over the front of your handlebars, smack down, chest first, on the cold hard floor and all the air in your lungs has been vacuumed out.”
@tozandothersaltywords
As fast as a bullet out of a sniper’s gun, an event or a person’s action, or inaction, can take you out and put you back at square one with absolutely no warning. It can take you straight back to a place you thought you’d escaped and that feeling is completely and utterly debilitating. You wonder how it is happening to you as you followed the self help book, discussed that exact issue in therapy, hell you did multiple guided meditations and wrote enough pages of your journal on it to publish a damn book, but one uncontemplated act takes all the wind out of your sails.
So, rather seeing trauma as something that is temporary, or something that can be ‘overcome’, maybe we should try more to acknowledge it (do not confuse acknowledgment with acceptance here). Acknowledge our trauma. Feel it and sit with it. Grapple with the uncomfortable silence you feel as it crawls under your skin. It is, after all, a part of your lived experience, your story and what makes you who you are.
“Acknowledge our trauma. Feel it and sit with it. Grapple with the uncomfortable silence you feel as it crawls under your skin.”
@tozandothersaltywords
Now, unless you can untap all of you and who you are; the good, bad and ugly (trauma falling in the latter two of these) then you can never truly love all of you, because we all have all three and there is no escaping that. So try it. Try risking the possibility of loving your trauma.
“Try risking the possibility of loving your trauma.”
@tozandothersaltywords
Close your eyes, find your trauma (focus on one if there are multiple), ignite it, face it, watch it, acknowledge it and talk to it. Open yourself up to it fully and tell it everything you wish to say/scream/shout at it. Let your self pace around, let the tears fall, let yourself make noise at it, let yourself be silent with it, let every different thing you feel come out and do not hold back.
Are you done?
Once you are done, there is no more to say, to do, so imagine it as a box of memories and that there is a long line of empty shelves in front of you. Pick up the box and put it on the shelf, wave to it as you exhale knowing that although it won’t leave, you have nothing more to give it as you’ve expended all the energy you will ever need to give it. And although it will silently live inside of you, it is no longer volatile and is merely a reminder of all you are.
“find your trauma […] Open yourself up to it fully […] Let yourself pace around, let the tears fall, let yourself make noise at it, let yourself be silent with it, let every different thing you feel come out and do not hold back.”
@tozandothersaltywords
For each trauma you hold inside of you and face, you can add them to the infinite shelves. In doing so, find comfort in knowing that the incredible person you are has overcome so much more than is on the surface. In doing so you can love each part of you and all the moments you’ve experienced: good, bad and ugly.
The curve of her waist The warmth of her skin The scent of her neck The softness of her breast The swish of her hair The taste of her tongue The body she loves That keeps her alive Is sexy and free Beyond the controls Of what society expects it to be.
Toz And Other Salty Words 