words – Toz And Other Salty Words

Prison of Love #2

I found myself getting lost again.
Not because of a person or people, but because of me.
I found myself squaring up to the hardest trait to be angry with
giving, helping and loving too much.

I’d given too much to too many,
In so doing,
I had walked a little too far from myself.
I was there burning again,
trapped in the prison of my own decisions.

“I was there burning again,
trapped in the prison of my own decisions.”
@tozandothersaltywords

I’d forgotten to keep loving me
To keep myself safe.
And I was at breaking point
nostril above water, struggling to find a way back to myself that wouldn’t cause a collosal explosion.

“…nostril above water, struggling to find a way back to myself that wouldn’t cause a collosal explosion.”
@tozandothersaltywords

And as I stared hard at my reflection,
got angry, screamed and cried once more,
I remembered all the things I need to make me me.
And I had not done one of them in months.

I had to sit with myself, breathe deeply into myself
ground my body and soul to be able to remind myself.
They all survived without me before,
No matter how important I was in my story
Their’s would all still survive without me.

“No matter how important I was in my story
Their’s would all still survive without me.”
@tozandothersaltywords

I walked back to myself in that moment
Looking sheepish I smiled apologetically.
I embraced myself with all that love
And I cried with relief
Knowing once more
I was safe.

@tozandothersaltywords

Enough

And then she found her way,
not because she knew where she was going,
but because she slowly allowed herself to fall in love with the person she was.
And that was enough.

“She slowly allowed herself to fall in love with the person she was.
And that was enough.”
@tozandothersaltywords

The journey included getting lost,
it showed her twists and turns she hadn’t anticipated. Her horse blinds of the one track life she had anticipated were ripped off.

“But then she realised she was her own compass.”
@tozandothersaltywords

She felt lost, unplanned and as if she lacked direction. But then she realised she was her own compass.
Where was she going? She had no idea.
Was she ready to embrace it with all of her?

Absolutely.

@tozandothersaltywords

A Letter to my Younger Self

Dearest younger self,

I see you.

The way you adapt, change, even hide who you are. I see you grappling with the million thoughts that go through your head every second. I feel every emotion, every hurt, every love, every heartbreak, all of it. It’s still here.

I’m over 10 years down the line from you and I still feel, remember, know and see all of you.

“I feel every emotion, every hurt, every love, every heartbreak, all of it. It’s still here.”
@tozandothersaltywords

I need you to do something for us. I need you to start loving you.
Not every stranger you meet, or person who’s story that makes your heart bleed…
…no my child, I need you to love you.

Focus on you. It’s as if you forgot how to be selfish, and due to that everyone you’ve ever met expects unwavering selflessness. You turn up on time for them, but often lack the respect to turn up for yourself. This is not meant to sound cruel but I can tell you that if you continue on that track you may well end up finding out that you can’t make everyone happy the hard way.

“You turn up on time for them, but often lack the respect to turn up for yourself.”
@tozandothersaltywords

The things we will feel, love, lose and witness will be what makes us. The times that we cry, howl and help those we love will build our character. And I do not mean that we should ever hesitate to give our time and add value to people, but please oh please remember that the first person to be giving all that love to always should be to yourself. That’s what I’ve learned. And that’s what I’ve realised is important.

“please oh please remember that the first person to be giving all that love to always should be to yourself.”
@tozandothersaltywords

Once you do love yourself you will no longer feel the need to hide who you are from other people you meet. You will no longer adapt to look a certain way or smile at situations you do not wish to smile through. You will no longer change who you are as a person just to please others when you meet them. You will no longer help the ones you love because of obligation but because you have the capacity to do so. You shall be far smarter than I, you will know that the secret of being able to give starts with giving to yourself first.

“The things we will feel, love, lose and witness will be what makes us. The times that we cry, howl and help those we love will build our character.”
@tozandothersaltywords

I could give you stories and memories that will stay with me forever more, but you need to experience those yourself. My hope of this letter is that if I can impart this one lesson, this one nugget. Maybe, just maybe you will be able to change and help more than I have or ever will.

“The battle scars that got me here I wear with pride and make me the person I am today.”
@tozandothersaltywords

I hope you know this isn’t that I want to change where I am or you getting here. The battle scars that got me here I wear with pride and make me the person I am today. All I wish for, is that along the way and through the ups and downs you make sure you love yourself, just a little bit more.

I love you and I love your love, I will always be your number 1 fan,

Your older self

@tozandothersaltywords

An epic tale

It’s messy,
unpredictable.
With moments of calm
that fall between
the chaos of joy,
tears,
anger,
adventure and
everything in between.
Life.

“It’s messy,
unpredictable.
With moments of calm
that fall between
the chaos”
@tozandothersaltywords

It’s a marvel, an epic tale of your own
with incalculable splatterings of
fun, boredom, learning, giving
taking, loving, caring, anger, laughter and
a sprinkling of magic.
It won’t always be bad
but it also won’t always be good.

“an epic tale of your own
with […] a sprinkling of magic.
It won’t always be bad
but it also won’t always be good.”
@tozandothersaltywords

If we learn to enjoy all the different parts.
Be present with all the chapters that make us who we are.
We can start to experience the full beauty
of Life.

So whatever chapter you’re in right now
Give it 100% of your attention.
Be in that moment,
Feel it.
Do not live for the next chapter
Because if you continually live for what’s next
You’ll miss the nuances of
the story of you.
And that,
would be a tragedy.

“if you continually live for what’s next
You’ll miss the nuances of
the story of you.
And that,
would be a tragedy.”
@tozandothersaltywords

@tozandothersaltywords